Chapter 16

                               Onwards and Upwards!

      Anjali was pondering over seemingly an important thought  near  pool side ..the place where all the happenings in  Raizada family were accustomed of  taking place , when huffing NK entered hurriedly and stumbled at something. Anjali turned to look at the direction of noise and  he came running and stood behind her. But his tall frame peeped over her head so then he dismissed that idea and started looking for another good place..behind a pot..behind a chair..

  

       Confused  Anajli asked NK , "NK bhai , what are you trying to do?"

   

   NK replied horrified,"Di, Nannav will murder me. I don't want to die before even getting married." His terrified eyes were busy in search of something which could veil him completely.

    

  Anjali smiled naughtily at his terrorized words,"NK bhai, you don't worry. Nothing will happen to you. I ensure you."

      

   Before she could complete her assurance, Arnav entered there banging every door loudly in his way. His eyes shot blood red seeing NK. He grabbed his collar and bellowed, “How dare you, NK? How dare you to come near my Di? Now you want to apart my Di from me like you did it with my Khushi? Don't even think of it" His eyes were throwing daggers at him.

    

   NK closed his eyes tightly unable to withstand that incisive volley and started chanting Khushiji's deity name.If looks could kill; NK could have been deliciously looking dead meat till now.

   

  As if his prayers were answered favorably,Anjali interrupted.  "Leave him chote"

   "No Di, you don't know what has happened. And this is all because of him. I won't spare him today to be alive" Arnav spluttered unable to control his rage for long and Nk recollected who should he handover his favorite laptop and I-phone before taking leave from this world.

   "I know" Anjali replied with gleeful eyes.

  

   "Di?" His grip loosened as he stared at Anjali surprised.

  

 "Trust me chote. Listen to him once" She signaled NK to speak.

  "Nanav ,mere bhai, tume  galat-adayi ho gayi hai...(Nannav, my brother,You have been erroneously paid)"

 Arnav looked incredulously at him ,still lava of temper burning inside him.

 'Trust NK bhai to turn any situation into a humorous one'  Anjali sniggered.  

"What the..? What rubbish are you talking NK?" Arnav asked making his grip firm again.

   NK, startled by his hazardous action and his questioning eyes dipped in boiling anger ; threw a helpless glance at Anjali hoping her to help him with his words ," Misunderstanding  ..you know??"

  "ohh..galat-adayi nahi  NK bhai..Galatfaimi .." Anjali corrected his word stifling her chuckle with difficulty.

"Yes Yes..that is...I mean tum galat soch rahe ho(you are misunderstanding)..I didn't propose Khushiji."

   

      Arnav inhaled and exhaled sharply on hearing Khushi’s name.

   

"Don't even think of talking lies, NK! I have seen everything." He spoke through gritted teeth, holding index finger in front of him dangerously as a warning.

  "Listen to me..Yes, I proposed Khushiji but only considering her as my girlfriend in Australia" He clarified immediately. 

  "But she said yes to you, doesn't she? To you?"  Arnav asked unable to mask his surprise.

   "No..Khushiji  ne muze 'Ha' nahi bola.. ummm..ha bola muze Khushiji ne but no..not (No, Khushiji didn't say 'yes' to me. Yes, she said 'yes' to me but..)"

  

     Anjali so wished to sit in a relaxing chair enjoying popcorn with diet cola and witness this melodrama scripted and directed by her being staged with such outstanding performances.

  

    The lead, Arnav, unaware of being portrayed a character of the drama planned by Anjali was in short of patience now. He roared before NK could try to add some sense into his incoherent explanation, "NK stop beating around the bush and make it clear what you want to say at once, damn it!"

   NK gulped hard with another round of furious prayers and narrated him the whole story.

  "Nannav, I want to propose my girlfriend. But I was not sure what to say to her so I requested Khushiji to help me with that matter. You know how Khushiji is always more than eager to help anyone? We were practicing the scene on terrace as I being myself and Khushiji being my girlfriend. She said yes to me but only acting as my girlfriend." finally he released his breathe held for so long.

                            

                                      The reality dawned on Arnav.

            

     Arnav scrunched his eyes as penitence started replacing his anger. Khushi's resentful face flashed before his closed eyes. His hands curled into anguished fists bruising his own palms due to dug nails. His whole existence drowned in a pit of contrition ‘What mistake have I done?' he muttered. 

  

               'I didn't trust Khushi. My Khushi...? How can I do this to her?'

    

         He heard NK saying before leaving "How can she say yes to anyone else other than you, Nannav?  She loves you...only you.." And that made his agony even worst.

    

     Anjali was busy patting herself as her plan has worked..Indeed she was the best matchmaker. Now it won't be too long when she can see her Chote happily living ever after with Khushiji ... She clasped her hands together dreamily as she saw a prospect of a fairy-tale love story for her brother.

       

      Only before glancing at his eyes..A look at his eyes and her heart pricked. His eyes were concentrated at some unknown hollow place.deprived of any emotion..not even anger  which was a lawful inhabitant of those eyes at any other given time ,was  evident there . He  looked so lost ..lifeless ..as if his soul has vacated his body.. It was the same look..she had seen the same look in his very eyes on that day when they had  lost their parent...they were made orphan..they were thrown out of their home ...No...What did I do..A cold fear ran down  her spine. In attempts  of making him realize about his own feelings, has she sent him in a such dark place from which  he would not ever  able to return?  With that deadening thought she stepped back and sank  in chair as guilt started creeping in her heart.

   

   

          

       Before she could think of doing something to bring him out of his misery, Arnav came running to her and buried his head into her lap kneeling on ground. His grief could not be barricaded from effusing this time as his heart just failed to take it anymore and few droplets collected their strength to cross their brink of those chocolaty orbs. First time in these many years, Warm Tears rolled down making his ivory skin wet along their way.

    "What did I do ,Di? How could I do this to her..to my Khushi? I don't deserve living this life. I am a monster.I don't deserve Khushi..I don't."  He  spoke in stammering voice shattered by the pain.

  

  Anajali started soothing his back cursing self for doing this to her dearest brother."No..no chote..do not say that. You are not a monster. You deserve this life..happiness..You deserve Khushi, chote.  You deserve her."

   

  "No Di, I hurt her again. I hurt her when I had promised myself of vanishing every pain from her life.  How can I do this to her if I am not a monster? How, Di?"

     "I know you have done wrong to her but after all we are human beings, Chote! Mistakes happen. Every person is bound to do mistakes in a way or other in his life, either in our foolishness or in anger. This costs many heartbreaks and inevitable losses as a corollary. But then nothing can be done once the arrow is left from the bow..The only thing we can do then is to attempt  to amend those mistakes. And you can't ameliorate your mistakes by cursing yourself.. You have to act to correct them. I know my chote is not coward to run away from his mistakes. So think about making it right whatever has went wrong rather than weeping over it.."  

   

   "Is it even possible to amend this awful sin , Di? That too, when I don't even know where and how I went wrong?" He muttered still unable to accept that he could be this cruel with his Khushi.

  

 "I tell you where you went wrong, chote! You advanced in your way under wrong guidance.  You followed your brain where you should have chosen your heart for help. Now there is only one solution for this ..you have to  listen to your heart. Do whatever it suggests to correct your deeds"

 "Di?" He looked at her with surprise. "Is it you of all people, saying me this? You are telling me to follow my heart? Did you forget that whatever happened to us is only because you all chose to listen to your hearts?..No Di, never. I don't trust that damn bloody organ of mine anymore. You all followed your hearts which finally led us to that devastation while mine just did not help me to stop or overcome it. It betrayed me when I needed its help to clear the mess that took place in our lives." His surprise instantly replaced by an unfathomable vengeance.

  

  

 Anjali shook her head in negative dreading that her voice would betray her in delivering exact words she wanted to say if she speaks now as remembrance of their pasts at this point left her overwhelmed.

          

           

      But unaware of that, Arnav was speaking in a trance as if he were that teenage boy again standing under a tree in a stormy rainy night trying to cover his sleeping sister. ”You know Di, When I stood there, under pouring sky ,trying to shed your heart-broken, dejected sleeping form after  we  had just  returned from our parents' funeral and thrown out on roads , I did not know what to do anymore. How to collect broken pieces of our lives..I then asked my heart for help in every way Di, every way..Requesting, pleading, threatening..But it didn't say a word. Not a single damn word! It just kept throbbing with such a thunderous pain which left me helpless. Why didn't it help me when I was begging for help? Where was it gone then? Why was it quite when I was struggling to live?

       

       

           It was my brain who helped me at that time. It supported me then. It took every right decision to recollect our lives. It worked very hard to make you all happy. And I was successful in making you all happy. Didn't I?" He asked Anjali doubtfully like an innocent child looking at his mother for confirmation.

     

   Anjali gave him one of her warmest smiles and said cupping that handsome face of her little brother”Of course, Chote!  You made us all very happy and proud too."

  "If it did work for you then why doesn't it work for her, Di? Why can't I make her happy?"  He asked her distressed remembering how he could not be Khushi's reason to smile ever.. Not even once rather he was the one who made her eyes teary every single time they met.

     

    Now Anjali did not know in which words she should make him realize that the principle on which he had lived his life for 14 long years might have proved useful for that particular period of time but it can't be the permanent way of living life happily.

  

      

        'Only if Ma was alive today'....   Anjali thought...She looked at the sky.'Ma, help me to do this’, she prayed taking a silent pause before speaking with all her gathered strength,

   

    "Kuch chize esi hoti he chote, jo dimag se nahi bas Dil se hi payi  ja sakati        hai (Some things can be only gained  by heart, not by brain, chote!)"

       

    Anjali patted at an empty chair indicating him to sit beside her. He slowly raised and sat beside her chair not leaving her hands once.

    "I tell you why you couldn't make her happy. Because everything you did to make her happy, you did using your brain, Chote! And your brain can only imagine happiness but can't feel it like your heart does. . It's our heart who feels these all emotions happiness, excitement, contentment..Not brain.  And you can't live your whole life imagining things, chote! You have to experience every moment by your heart to feel them."

  

         He opened his mouth to cross out her words powerfully but she just shook her head pleading him through her eyes to let her continue without any interruption.

 He sighed and swallowed the words back bobbing his head to let her continue further.

   

   ”Let me tell you even before you ask the reason again, why your heart could not help you at that time when you had lost everything. Because it was shattered..Shattered into pieces by all the pain, insult, betrayal you received. It was not in the state of helping you then. But your mind could help you because it didn't feel the pain like your heart.

       

      It is not anyone's heart at fault to lead us to those dreadful things in our lives. It was clearly inability of our father to accept and correct his own mistakes and breach of trust by uncle which left us in that abominable situation.  I am not even sure if they ever listened to their hearts in their lives. Had they done so at least once, we had not had to go through all this? And you too can't blame your heart for betrayal chote!  I would rather say it has worked more than your brain at that time but in another way.

Do you want to know what has it done to say me so?"She asked him with a questioning look.

        

     

    Arnav nodded desperately. A small smile crept on her lips looking those glimpses of her old innocent kid brother again that she had lost somewhere in the hard rush of life .She answered, "It has been storing all your pain in itself from 14 long years. It offered all its energy to your brain to work hard for you. It did not let your brain dwell upon the misfortunes we faced then. But for that it had to lock itself in a dark, solitary place so that your brain could work without any hiatus.  The days have passed now, Chote!  The time has come. Now make your heart free from its 14 years long duty. Rescue it from all the pain it had been storing inside. Let it work on something good, on some happier reason for you this time. Trust it."

        

  Arnav looked at her with contemplative eyes trying to reciprocate her every word. Once in these many years, he was agree that his brain has strayed him far away where he has lost only hope of his life..His Khushi..! He had tried with every possible way he has been using to win his business deals over years for wining Khushi's heart but failed terribly. If that did not work then that way must be wrong.

                     

        Di might be correct. He should listen to his heart now. He should give it another chance if that is the only option left to get his life back... to get His Khushi back...But is it still possible? It's too late now..

    "But now it's too late, Di. Khushi has said NO to me. She has rejected me" How hard it was for him to even think of her rejection.

      

    "She didn't reject You, Chote! She said No to your brain which was bargaining her heart with profit and loss. Your brain has failed to win her heart. Now let your heart win her. She will say 'Yes' ..Definitely!" Anjali nodded with confidence and continued,

  

   "You want to make her happy na chote? Then you have to be happy first. Because her happiness resides in your happiness. And you can be happy only when you would open your heart for receiving new emotions, new feelings  other than pain and anger.

                

         Forget your past, chote. Let bygones be bygones. You can't alter anything happened in the past but for that sake you don’t ruin your future. You can make it beautiful. Just once , only once admit that you love her. Accept that you want to spend your whole life with her not because of some meaningless profits but for something more valuable..For happiness..Happiness of you both. Confess it to her and then you will see her happy..You would see the brightest smile of her you have never witnessed adoring her beautiful face. Once listen to your heart, Chote" She squeezed his hands and looked at him expectantly.

      

       Arnav's eyes shined with something, most probably with new hope.

      

     "Sach, Di. Will it happen?"  He found his agitated nerves calming down after detecting a light shining in darkness.

             

                    Anajali blinked her smiling eyes in agreement.

  

    "And when you fix the date of your marriage, Saale sahab; just let me know so that I can draft all your clauses for the marriage" Shyam entered trying to lighten the mood.

  

     Arnav could not control from engulfing himself into shyam's warm embrace.

      

        Anjali wiped her moist eyes looking at the sky 'Ma, Apake Chote ab sach me bade ho gaye he. Ab apko unaki chinta karane ki koi  jarurat nahi. (Ma, your Chote has really grown up now. You don't need to worry for him anymore)'

       

      

                      Now the sky was clear of all the dark clouds 

                      And those bright stars were shining into glory.

**********************************************************

           

           

         Khushi was standing near the window,looking at the sky. The cool breeze was trying to calm her tired nerves. She shivered slightly at that chilling wind and pulled her shawl uncomfortably tight over her. This small movement of her broke that lonely silence with a soft tinkling sound of her bangles.

   

   

      She stared at those three brightly shining stars. Two were of course her Amma-Babuji and third one..Third?...

     

    

      It's Arnavaji's mother. She reminisced, that day she had met her with Arnvaji.  Why is she shining so brightly? She glanced at her bangles.. And she again looked at that star. Is she happy? Does she like me for Arnavaji?

         ' Yes,she likes you for her son'  Her Amma answered her question.

     

        Khushi's dingy eyes gleamed with happiness..But only for a moment..They returned to being ashen again as another thought crossed her mind.

       

     'Ma, will you talk to Arnavaji? Will you let him know what is happening to him?  He is so confused.. He is unable to name his feelings.

Even I was not sure about his feelings until he bought these bangles for me. But then I saw some hope. I tried to help him. Tried to make him understand his own feelings but failed...I just failed Ma!'  A batch of fresh tears replaced old remnant drops on her cheeks.

   

     

          

      'Today, he hurt me immensely. . His words pain so much and I am angry on him for that but at the same time I know it was all unintentional and he did it because he was flummoxed by many strange emotions. How can I be so selfish to think about only my own pain when he must be battling hard with this unfamiliar twinge there? Will he be able to tackle that, Ma?

        

         He is afraid of those feelings, afraid of experiencing them. I can't blame him for that. After all he has never believed in things which are not seen and can only be experienced. I want to make him realize that life's most beautiful things can only be felt by heart. I wish him to feel every moment of life. I want him to believe in this beautiful life again. But don't know how to do that now. Will you show me the path, Ma? Will you make this happen?' She prayed to the star. New tears slid down on her already tears strained cheeks. Wiping them slowly she went to bed. 

                               If only she had stayed another second more, 

         she would have known that the star had answered to her prayer 

                                      by glowing more brightly than ever.